Once upon a time you were alive,
And then one day you took your last breath
And it’s Death I cannot comprehend, I remember
You yesterday, alive like me and then
You stop, your heart ceases and all that is
Left is a lifeless form of you, and I can’t
Grasp, the fact, the definite notion, you
Are dead and gone, and I don’t wish to
Go to the viewing, I wish to imagine
Your soul still within you, still here,
But it is not, you’ve gone from earth
And I’ll search places to find your being
But you are underground, sleeping forever,
Dead and I will ponder upon the possibilities
As my beliefs were shredded upon the
Lowering of you, under the tombstone
And flashes of you rotting, disappearing
Fading from those you knew, but your
Still so here in my mind, and all you left
Behind was the yearning to understand
Life and death, because once upon a time
You were here, alive and now the lights
Are gone, and you fall through the darkness
You become the obscurity that pains my soul
And my questions I ask all come back to
The same old empty saying “That’s just life”
And here I am a lost heart, confused about
The reality of life and death, stuck in the
In-between bit of alive and dead,
And all I know in certainty is
I miss you
Faces appeared by the window
Of lost reverence and the infamy
Tied pearl shackles around my wrists
Tugged around the words I
Existed in, and the litter of yesterday
Piled upon blank memories of a life
I never lived, and you told me to
Close my eyes but I did not trust you as
You would sink your fingers through
My heart and gouge away at the
Thin layer of certainty that was destined
To be tainted by the touch of another
And you never understood why I
Pleaded for your disappearance as the
Monsters would tread upon my
Weak heart, and trample over
All of the honorable presence
Left, but there were people
Standing outside my window
And their faces grew grey as
The time passed by and I let
Them worsen, but now they are
Coming through, the window, of
My soul, and you will see them
Leap through my eyes and attack
Out of my tongue, and you will cry
Because you met me
thestrangerinyourdreams:
Day and night light and darkness
Don’t you realise? the way time rotates
Through different appearances and they
Say some are born sad and others are lucky,
But everyone is merely waiting to be found
And they will run into the inevitable night and the
Darkness will suffocate them in the absence of
Light that will return, but tomorrow the sky
Might be grey and that is the in-between bit
Between sad and happy and that is the lost part
Of people who never could choose, indecisive
Unable to comprehend the difference between
Light and darkness and that is the biggest
Tragedy of all the morose nature of ignorance,
And that’s why the world isn’t black and white
And today we live in shades of grey, and people
Will smile, cry and be indifferent towards the world
They are bound to and I can’t choose, too misplaced
By the cruelty of time and I will wait for you, on my
Dying day, when darkness chooses me
Because to be lonely in the night and day
Is to be eternally discovered under the curse of time
Out of our hands, and you didn’t even notice how
Different everything looks under the sheet of darkness
And in the illumination of light and we will never know
What the world really is under the curse of day and night
And we all live half alive, running around in the abundance
Of nothingness that makes up our lives
When the ice burns the flesh
Of your fickle hands and the
Sight of the sun stings your eyes
With the sensation that you were
Sure you wanted, but no longer
Desire, and when all that flourished
Suddenly turns stale, when your touch
Becomes bitter, and full of something
Opposite of what was, and you won’t
Say a word to stop the surge of paranoia
To rush through my mind, and I
Know we’ve gone too far, we know too
Much and we will drown under the screams
To follow the silence that has taunted too many
Callous moments of tension and the streaks
Of affection will perish into a lost riviera
Of undeniable masses of apathy and the
Squeaking door will shut on your face and
The towering trees of shade will block the
Sun and I thought we would always love
But you peel away the hovering forged fondness
And you revealed to me the wasted love weaved
And tangled between the doomed hearts of two
Sprinkles of life glistened
On the surface of your opaque
Skin yet the fragmented cuts
Of red bled down in streams
Of death and I felt the sting of
Blood touch mine and your torture
Flashed before me and my hands
Felt agonized from the blackness
Within you, and the fear captivated
All the remnants of security and
You replaced my certainty, by
Painting the walls of my soul in
Blue and the echo of words vibrated
Through the slow beats of a heartWith no owner, only alone and
I knew no one would ever trace
Their fingertips along my veins
The way you so easily touched those
Lines of the trail to my essence
And I would forever stay, in
This moment far away yet so close
To the lamented memory of you
Your despair radiates from underneath
Your flesh, that conceals the secret of
Your sadness and I will feel the burn
Of unspoken words I wish I could
Say to destroy the enclosed darkness and
When you close your eyes sorrow
Slides down your eyelashes and hits
Me each time and thrashes at my skin
Your eyes will search mine for an
Answer but I do not know how to
Cure the strength of obscurity that lingers
As a cloud floating upon your stare
That stings my heart with the realisation
Of the gravity of the pain that curls knots
Of black blood around your soul and
You wince at the pangs of agony and
I will place my hand at your side but
My touch isn’t gentle, my fingertips
Aren’t soft enough to trace the line of
Suffering and tickle you until your
Lips lift and curve towards the ceiling
As the brush of our skin only taints my
Conscious with the heavy burden of
Empathy but there is nothing
I can do, but I will never stop,
I will always try, to fix you.
Your mouth tastes of blood
And your breath reeks of violence
Yet I will kiss these brooding miseries
And each wound will scream
As the agony on my tongue meets
Yours and feasts upon the pain of
Mutual suffering and I will take your eyes
And pour acid through to the depths of
Your blindness and I will spill kerosene
On your vile desire
And tie your eroded neck to
A necklace of spikes and take a
Raiser and gash cuts that won’t
Ever stop bleeding and I’ll take my knife
And etch my name upon your
Arms and you will remember in the
Morning because you will feel
The sting you harvested in me
And the name engraved, will love
The torture and will gain a sick joy
From your ache because you made
A spiteful person of me
And you cry in remorse but I I warned you
Once, I whispered in your ear long ago
“Someday you will ache like I ache”
You would jab the needle in one of the numbered blue lines down my prodded arms and I would sink through the chair and onto the all too familiar ground, You would soon follow and then all at once we were together through our lethal poison, we so desperately promised to abandon but knew we never would. When they separated us, the demand became a thousand times worse as they grated my conscious against the white walls of recovery. The arrival of the world was the doorstep to hell, I ran away in a haze on the twelfth day up a road but they seized me all too soon, and I never had enough time to get to you. In my ambition to leave, the sky collapsed upon my being and the road steepened and I could not bear to cross the threshold again, so there I rotted behind a door of disquiet.
My mind, how it thieved away all my vulnerable sanity and the delusions of you and I all patched up and in one piece again shook my soul into an utter daze. That’s when I knew, it wasn’t just the poison, it was you. My tantrums were intent on salvaging all that was left but there was nothing but empty syringes and punctures in arms that would never completely disappear only linger to provoke us and remind us of our hysterical notion of love. The impulse of something beautiful transformed us into beings of yearning for the escape from the world we so disturbingly created. Underneath our fingertips loomed the intense ominous need that only left us with grievous intentions and with a redundant affection of a lust to poison our bodies and minds. We poisoned each other in the time we were together, we were always toxic. I never realised until your lips formed on the white walls and you spoke words of darkness and exposed a surplus of reality, the true essence of the monster we manifested and all was divulged. Suddenly I saw what I was afraid to see, you without me in a box beneath the ground, under the addiction of a fantasy, that was bound to lead you to the early arrival of a death, that I did not foresee. And now there’s a ticking in my chest as my heart pulsates in pain and in the profound desire to join my dear lover, in tragedy we end, just as we begun.
The not completely insane but not sane bit. The bit where the sun slightly shines through the rusty window of forgotten loves, the bit where your smile will leak through the door of deceit and seep through the secret sadness, the bit where the devil sneaks in and takes your hand in the peak of innocence but doesn’t steal you only tempts you, the bit of a laugh that has a shrewd seriousness but lacks the charisma to be understood, the bit of a fire that flames in the dull night yet dismally fades in the hours of the morning, the bit of a wave before the last site of the person you farewell yet the sureness of knowing you’ll see them again, the bit of a song you can sing but the rest you fumble upon the words because you can’t hear them right but you were never listening properly, the bit of the background of a photograph where a stranger intently stares at the lens but you never notice them, the bit where the closed curtains are suspended in the by the sudden gush of wind. I’m in an in-between bit and slanting towards the snarky parts of insanity as the reality attempts to triumph but is conquered by the bit I can no longer comprehend. The bits of life, they fell apart and never quite fell together again. Now i’m lost in the fragments, the minute parts, this dark bit of life that has taken over all aspects of a normal life and all I can do is exist in the bits of life and hope one day the bits join back together again.
He swiftly ignited my cigarette; a vivid tension plagued our company. His eyes exposed the depths of the ocean: profound and opaque. Echoing our entangled ache becoming too twisted, too harmful. A cold snap seized us, his lips quivered. I heard his breaths accelerate, my heart fluttered. Our Immoral desires lingered, eternally etched on our souls. The smoke mocked our presence, suddenly spiralling then vaguely dissolving into the atmosphere. A dark and empty site antagonized us; only the scent dwelled as evidence of what once was.
He inhaled our past affections; I inhaled our bleak silent words.
Each day we expire as I remember the contradictions, the carelessness. My mind constantly swells upon thoughts and dreams of the possibility of us, warm and cured. I can’t stray away from these terrifying fallacies they refuse to go. Inevitably an obvious force has grown between us as the infinite memoirs extinguish.
Our virtuous intentions became predestined accidents, leaving us with nothing but harsh abandon. I examined you; we shared the same agony, which desperately disengaged us.
Now we’re filled with nostalgic incidents and memories consumed by remorse. We remain as foolish acquaintances with a history, looming but buried away. It was still there, underneath, lurking and raging for freedom but it would only ever be there, existing alone.
I exhaled, he exhaled smoking our past obscurely away.
